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Posting while intoxicated.

Thursday, 10 July, 2008

I wish I could use someone else’s brain for a while.

I’ll get into this later. The short version is that I don’t know what to do and cannot make connections with other people. I want very much to feel love. I want very much to experience a partnership with someone who is capable in ways I am not.

The fact of the matter is that the lonliness of this time in my life is all but unbearable and my knowledge of “people” prevents forging such relationships. This includes the people I owe letters, but I don’t know exactly what to say.

These days are more difficult that you can imagine.

Not only that, but I’ve lost my figure as well. Of the people likely to stumble upon this entry, know that I love you. Really. I seek the opportuntiy to take up arms to defend you. Alas, I don’t know what to do about it, and lack the cleverness to fix what keeps me from being the person I once thought I could be.

It’s the aloneness that hurts. It’s the inability to connect with humanity that limits my personality. That doesn’t alter my degree of passion … I should go to Dallas and get away from my world for a while.

I cannot get it together, and I need to arrange my stuff so I can have my apartment fixed. It’s scary and strange. I should probably put myself in a position to play the fool with women who are stronger than I am. Again. It doesn’t matter.

I don’t need to exist. That is more difficult to reconcile than most of you can imagine.

One Comment
  1. Carrie permalink
    Thursday, 24 July, 2008 13:05

    This is Carrie. Yes, that old Carrie. I found your blog jerking off avoiding writing my dissertation. We need to reconnect. Wish you weren’t so far. Please email or call soon (502) 533 4433.
    P.S. I’m in Louisville…you are in…?? Ca??


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