Mein Herz brennt
It is good that the woman with whom I have connected moreso than anyone since … has found someone suitable. However, it is not without remorse.
I fear that where I am today, is the best I can do. Perhaps my future lies somewhat further north. I fear that I lie to my own mind. Then again, what is the difference. I cannot perceive reality anyway.
If only I had the skill to tell you how I feel, but it is of no consequence. Like so many others before, I am a problem of a kind you don’t need. I am sorry for getting connected with you. In my innate naiveity I think your kisses mean so much more.
I miss you already. Both of you. What shall I do? I know what it is I am supposed to do, but I lack the courage. I need to last just another few years and the world will change, the womb will open and provide for me the proper place.
What is it all for? Had I never come here I would have found my place.