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Must be fit, have nice face to get Chinese baby.

Wednesday, 10 January, 2007

The number one problem with the iPhone: It will be available only with a wireless account which cannot be used. That is, Cingular. I’m sorry, but all available evidence supports the conclusion that Cingular is the Microsoft of communication. Perhaps the “early adopter version” of the … does it really have to be iPhone? … device will use its piss-poor carrier to blame for its inevitable inadequacies.

Since this machine is called iPhone, does this mean such a device is likely to be the “phone” for the foreseeable future? Or is someone likely to clean Apple’s clock by … Newton vs. Palm, okay? or iPod vs. um … yeah, getting the strategy here.

This is the alpha version of the device all the self-appointed futurists (including yours truly) presumed everyone would be carrying circa 2015. Sort of. Can you install software? Like Macromedia Flash? VLC? Why has no one been allowed to handle one? Battery life? In that form factor what kind of battery life can one expect? Evidently Apple believes four hours of up time is sufficient. I do not share that opinion. What is the durability on that screen? If you’re looking up info on parts for your Austin-Healy with greasy fingers will you ruin it? If you machine wash the iPhone, what happens? How about when a guy the size of the average technophile sits on it? Full weight on a steel bench? Jesus, have I yet mentioned how much I fucking hate Safari’s dumbed down interface?

No, it won’t survive any of those. However the Palm to iPhone’s Newton will be able to be fired into drywall (called sheet rock in peculiar parts of the world) and plied out of the wall working and looking like new. The competitor will not be tied to an obstacle to communication. In fact, it may not be a “phone” at all. (Skype, kids, Skype or whoever their competition will be) And the successful version, whoever the distributor, will have more than eight gigs.

This machine must replace the desktop, and be carried around. Otherwise its a toy for fat white guys who play golf.

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