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Wednesday, 7 June, 2006

It has been abundantly clear to everyone else that I have become unaccustomed to human interaction. I am now aware of the situation. If I cared about my own welfare, I would have been crying for the last several hours. Somehow, the well is dry.

“The Call” hasn’t come. It will. If it doesn’t I’m putting the hammer down on myself. I want to escape. Yes, I know where the cage is, but you forget that I have only one way of avoiding it. I’m not ready.

I have not been touched by another human being in years. I’m mad. I have no options. This is our system. I wasn’t supposed to survive in the first place. This is the time when you give up and go back to the farm. Only that we don’t do that anymore.

Yeah, I should edit.

The worst part is realizing if I was even more of a fuck up, I’d have a chance. Or less so I’d not be capable of thinking of such things. I hate the pretensions of it all. I don’t know how to give up. Where do I go to do this? I want to go down to the appropriate office and fill out the forms. I’m done. I don’t want to do this anymore. It’s silly.

And I hate the heat.


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