Update 27 Jan 13: I finally discovered how to do the internal version of webcam karaoke within Win7 and presume 8 is the same. Once Stereo Mix is enabled, it must be made the default communication device. As such Flash can see it. When selecting Stereo Mix at this point, everything that goes through the sound card goes out over your Flash broadcast. In order to use the microphone, you must monitor the microphone on the default speakers, which pumps the microphone output into Stereo Mix and therefore into your Flash broadcast. You absolutely must monitor your system through headphones otherwise everything becomes a perpetual feedback loop. Be certain to disable this mic monitoring following the broadcast. Use Windows Volume Mixer, sometimes called application volume control, to adjust the mix.
I don’t follow Korean celebrities. What I know of the culture is a mishmash of the guys just off the plane I grew up around and living in the world and picking up stuff. Around 2003 I was cruising this Internet of ours and stumbled upon references to a movie called “the Korean American Pie“. I mean, how can you resist that?
Sex is Zero appeared audacious to this round-eye. It has no apparent dedication to genre. It’s many implausibilities explained by a single line; take it or leave it, this is the movie. After this experience I sought out other Korean films and relished Joint Security Area and My Sassy Girl first, like everyone else. I was hooked. I have been told this fascination is merely an adjunct of my “yellow fever”, but I shall continue to protest. Read more…
Forgive me. This is very off the cuff and may be less coherent than usual.
As the year changed, I was presented with a variety of options to see what I’ve been typing about all year. It appears I have spent the last nine months of 2012 ranting about what I’m going to do. Switching plans consistently to something less ambitious, then in October started seriously writing a series of essays. That is, I want to communicate via video (dare not call it art) or even audio-only, but must confront the adequacy of my tools. Hence typing up my thoughts being the limit of my technology.
That said, I have indulged myself, largely for the distraction, into another person’s creative project. This is someone I know only over the internet. My participation is largely limited to advice based on experience as an involved viewer, mostly second-hand knowledge about the mechanics of show business and more than a little technically oriented research into live streaming video as a distinct form of media. I find this work edifying, although it is not scratching my itch and is without remuneration. Among my personal goals is to discover the value of my knowledge for my own future purposes, if any.
I do want to do my own such presentation, especially after spending a year or so being dared to do so by virtual friends in the biz, but again run up against the limits of my technology. This tech would cost about $800 and is stuff I should have around the house anyway. Presently it is more important for me to fill up the fiscal and emotional holes I have created through misplaced ambition.
I do experience a bit of shame seeing how I have ranted so about what I intend to do without ever accomplishing anything. I do not always plan so publicly, and now realize such public declarations are not fruitful in any way. The rather severe retraction of my real world social circle over the last three years, and this is due in no small part to the fact that I really am losing my mind, has implications for my creative processes.
That is, what I create I must create alone. No involvement with media for which I know next to nothing, (music, proper visual art, anything using the body as a medium such as dance or proper acting) No one to bounce ideas off of. Of course, in this era the objective is to support the ego of the creator rather than assist or dissuade within the actual creative process. Perhaps this is why we see so much craft in lieu of art. I do not intend to disparage craft, but it is a different thing and my side of the street.
I am developing in a glacially slow process a series of essays which may appear here in a further developed form. The working title of a presumably self-published book is Solitary Poor Nasty Brutish and Short: Observations of a Man Who Does Not Matter. I don’t like two part titles, but it seems to be the thing to do.
Until recently I had an editor and sent along three (of thirteen) sections from the first draft of the epic rant, or series of essays on which I am working. With her permission, I shall paraphrase some of her comments.
The work is unnecessarily bleak and entirely absent a sense of hope or encouragement. There is the promise of a destiny fulfilled and it is that of a hopeless future within a world defined by fear and waste.
It should be said my editor presumed this was part a work of fiction told from the point of view of a protagonist based on myself rather than a series of sociopolitical essays without code words. She gave up pointing out elements which must be properly fact checked due to the vast number even within a mere 8K words.
At least I was able to communicate that which I intended. I have, without ill feelings, now lost my editor; she just doesn’t want to read any more. I have not worked on the thing at all this year aside from new notes and am losing faith in the concept. It may be time to set it aside for a little while. Perhaps I already have.
My other thing which shall be done solely as a distraction, something for which the technical and content aspects require much future research, is presently called Angrystan Live!. This would be a streaming-video presentation featuring my (admittedly poor but sincere) singing to carefully chosen karaoke tracks, some story telling, interactive chat, possibly a call-in element and potentially practical illusions (read: “magic tricks” an interest since my early teen years). Aside from the technical aspects, another barrier to be overcome is the venue. Presumably this would be done through an existing streaming media site, JustinTV, Ustream, Stickam, etc., although none of these appear at present to support both an audience older than teenagers and the DIY aesthetic I’m working. Someone has suggested Chaturbate, and it is not beyond consideration, although fails my test for specific aesthetic reasons in a distinctive way. I would like the potential of being paid for Angrystan Live, if for no other reason than to keep score.
If any of my readers happen to be members of a site known for its many f***ing crashes, know that I may test bed and tweak the show there. That could be something of a way of giving back in a non-financial way to a site which has given me so much.
and this is the last of my talking about what I intend to do creatively. Although I may discuss the technical details of the live show should I ever get to that point.
The Hamburger Diaries are on indefinite hiatus as that sort of thing now makes me sick when I eat it.
Several folks I follow over this little network of ours are in the path of Hurricane Sandy, and assuming the warnings are as much blather as everything else we hear from political types this time of year. I fear many of these well meaning people are about to learn a valuable life lesson. I sincerely hope only that.
The first rule is, and especially with stronger or larger hurricanes which do not arrive without warning, get the hell away from the storm if at all humanly possible. Head inland. Possibly north or south, away from the projected impact zone of the storm. If I were in a low-lying, poorer or recently built part of the Washington Metro I would have been on the road to Pittsburgh by Saturday afternoon.
Collect everything which cannot be replaced and GTFO.
If you must stay, have the following at hand:
One gallon of bottled water per person, per anticipated day of emergency. Anticipate a minimum of 72 hours for things to just stabilize once the disaster clears. Additional gallons for the animals in your life. Fill the bathtubs with water, but use this water only for toilet flushing. Remember, if it’s yellow it’s mellow. Brown? Flush it down.
Baby wipes for sanitation, assume there will be no running water. Minimum of 20 per person per day. You can’t really go overboard on this.
There will be no running water. Plan accordingly. Do you have clean clothing for the next week for everyone?
Food which requires neither refrigeration nor cooking and ideally very little to no water for its preparation. Over plan on this, assume you have 20% more people for 20% more days to tend to. Remember the animals! If you do a monthly food run for your animals as I do, this would be a good time to restock.
Get potato chips. They help the body retain water. Avoid caffeine as it dehydrates.
Assume there will be no electricity or gas service. No hot water. No cooking by conventional means. No refrigeration. No ice, not even at retail outlets if any remain open. No furnaces or heat.
Use propane or charcoal heat outside only. If you must, boil water then bring the hot water inside.
Collect people and their supplies if possible in one location, if for no other reason just for the collective heat.
Presume a minimum of four days of absolutely no shopping of any kind whatsoever. What stores that may be able to remain open and replenish shall be overrun. Ever seen heavily armed guys pacing around the parking lot of the Harris Teeter? You will.
Top off the tanks of all the motor vehicles on site. Collect additional fuel if you have appropriate containers available. Remember funnels to transfer fuel to vehicles made after 1994 and some others. A siphon may be useful. If you believe you have propane heated devices which may be useful, keep supplies on hand.
Collect all of your legal documentation in a waterproof container. If you must evacuate carry this with you.
In the event you are in a mandatory evacuation area and elect to stay, have your social security number and legal name written on your torso with black permanent marker to aid in your post-mortem identification. Limbs are too likely to be lost.
This is not especially fashionable, but have on hand at least one battery-powered AM radio. In the event of a proper disaster, even today, radio shall provide a vital link to important information and community services. Discover the EAS primary station in your area, and keep the radio tuned to that station. Be certain to have enough batteries on hand to last for the duration. I know rechargeable batteries are in vogue and ecomental, but this isn’t the time for that.
If at all possible keep additional, fully charged batteries for your phones. Potentially power only one phone at a time in a multi-phone household. You may use your automobiles to charge the phones. In the event of travelling by car, utilize this time always to charge as many phones as you have outlets in the car.
Candles and other emergency lighting. Those cheap crappy lanterns are ideal. You can place the lantern on a tabletop facing up and light an entire room adequately. Buy those huge bags of cheap candles from the hobby stores. Do remember proper holders or candelabras.
Make certain your working clothes, boots, gloves, etc are available and in good condition. You may have to help. You may need help.
If at all possible, attempt to enjoy the relative absence of first-world distractions. Don’t forget the board games stored up in the closet, or plenty of condoms and lube depending upon your inclinations.
The objective, after much revision, is to simply categorize and analyze the experiences of my life. Why is Stan such a loser? What happened? As I am exempt from proper therapy by both fiscal and social constructs I shall not conquer, I gotta do something.
The following is what I’ve devised.
Initially, I was going to make a series of videos and try to get back into the groove. My gear is such that I it simply isn’t worth bothering. That said, if you know where I can somehow make $10K appear … yeah, I know. That number is the out-of-the-hole number plus building a proper machine with a few convenient accessories number. Don’t laugh at the paucity of the debt which is killing my soul.
The process is to distribute my ranting since July or so into the following topics, then expound upon these ideas. After a couple of decades of being considered self-indulgent because I do not provide the appropriate reply in circumstances which are merely social constructs and are absent any rationale beyond their own ceremony I am actually doing something self-indulgent.
- Background, working-class society of the 60s-70s
- Background, personal, 1968-1980 (before high school)
- Background, personal, 1982-1996 (my introduction to society outside the trailer park, and all that happened before I left Kentucky for what appears to be the last time)
- Illness and Health, mental, physical, and the interplay between the two
- Mistrust of Institutions, “education”, large employers, etc
- Social Isolation
- Sex, Pornography, and Intimacy
- Racial Awareness
- Class Awareness, including social class and its ramifications and proxies
- Sociopolitical Activism
- Radio, Television and subsequent media
These topics have not been arranged in an particular order. I have not gotten very far. Twice I have been told I am actually writing a book, a memoir, but I cannot think of it like that. I get lost around 3K words. As I type many of these have not been touched outside of dumping thoughts from a few months ago into some word-processor files. Within my ability to do so, I intend to neither name anyone else or provide specific enough information for anyone to be identified. The process has not reached a point where I must employ a specific strategy for this, but I am thinking about it.
I have no idea what the final thing will look like. I do not know whether this is something others will find edifying in any way. If it is worth pursuing I wish to develop the idea(s) into a series of videos or an audio series (single-series podcast?) just to make it move.
I, of all people, no longer even have the capacity to format something like this into a book if I were so inclined to offer it as a book-on-demand or digital equivalent. The work is the thing. The format must come later.
Eventually drafts of all of these “chapters” will appear here. I would like to interview some folks about what a pain in the ass I am and have been, but just contemplating the writing without getting anyone else involved is driving me to overeat.
or “This is where I came in”
The same circles over and over again. They’re only a little less tight now.
“We started out by being around people who scared the shit out if us, and it went downhill from there”
“You take away your parents, none of your other problems would have been excessively difficult.”
“Is this life you have [anything like] the one you actually wanted?”
“I am surrounded by people whose values are alien to me. Characterizing it as incompetence is a rhetorical device.”
“You keep trying to come off as smart.”
“I am … what happens when you tell your kids they’re smart over and over. They learn not to try.”
“I’m the somber guy who thinks about things peculiarly.”
“Everything I have done, from running across the continent to my sleep schedule, is simply coping with my overall state of mind. The chaos of my upbringing is simply a condiment.”
“The question is this: why is Stan such a failure?”
“How much of this utter frustration is caused by your [neurosis], and how much is caused by your character?”