I am losing my shit. Please help me.
My no-doubt ill advised nicotine and Vitamin-B regimen or short-term fix for what is probably full-on panic disorder just flat out stopped working as of 20 minutes ago. I can’t spin the wheel in the short term on a “Doctor” or Austin-based Billing Facility as they have never, ever worked before. Even for things as simple as minor infections I’ve made four or more trips in and suffered for weeks on end. After 12-15 calls per week for the last six weeks, I would have settled for someone who simply wasn’t a blatant hustler: “court-ordered only”. “Christian-focused hypnotherapy”, “herbalism and tarot”, “the best of Western medicine based on your own biorhytms and astrological profile”, and countless others covered by my plan, including those not on their formally distributed list who focus on specific religous communities. I can’t machete my way through the system and have neither the skills, patience or social ability to navigate Kafka’s Labyrinth.
I have reached out and recieved two specific recommendations neither of whom take my insurance.
To be direct, with my absolute expenses having gone up 25% over the last 18 months, with an additional middle-three-digit number coming out of the kitty with hopes of getting out of the hole I’ve dug, and a 20% reduction in my work hours at the same hourly rate since 2009, going to a facility that does not process claims from my largely unused health plan is not fiscally practicable.
Yes, if a could get away from the forms of nicotime I use I could afford half a Doc in cash. Noted. Since I am not a nice, callous middle-class fellow who merely happens to have a physical addiction literally nothing is available.for me. When I approach someone about my real issue and ask “How do I cope with the panic, including the inability to operate items such as doors and toilets, and suicidal levels of anxiety during the twelve weeks while my system restores itself?” They reply that I don’t know what I’m talking about. By which they mean they have never attended a class or seminar where such things were addressed.
Fourteen years ago, I went in and was simply served what Pharna was pushing that quarter without regard to my symptoms or reaction. Paxil literally removed my emotional life, driving me to suicidal ideation simply because life ceased to have an objective in the absence of aspiration, joy or fear. Once I returned home and stood in the living room for four hours. I don’t remember taking off my jacket but suspect I did so during the third hour. At this point I would settle for that sort of treatment.
I cannot begin to rebuid what I have burned without competent assistance which is not forthcoming. Hell. I’d pack it in and go back to the farm, but we don’t really do that anymore and the farm was foreclosed upon in the eighties.
I can think of three people on this list who, will with all kindness intended, shall recommend that I just smoke some pot. With my existing level of social ability, I literally do not know how to locate any even in of all places Austin Texas. I am also mildly to severly allergic depending upon some factor I do not understand. This aspect made living in Austin during my late twenties an absolute joy.
Please help me. This means you. I’m serious. I have got to do something, even short tem, and can not work out what that might be. The only option I have seen is a well-meaning person has advised that I just go to the ARC (all-purpose, mass-intake clinic not on the poor side of town) I don’t even know what to tell them.
Ideally, I need to figure out what to do while I remain emotionally able to operate an automobile.