Skip to content

Shaving everywhere.

Wednesday, 1 April, 2009

Pogonotomy and depilation are on my mind.

In the last several months I’ve been approached by a few women about shaving in intimate places. As far as I know, none of them took any of the advice. This would make a good topic for a tutorial video, but where could I possibly post it? I also would need a model because I don’t do it, would have difficulty working out where to stop shaving and you don’t want to see it.

angrystan’s program for intimate depilitation, or APID, involves:

  1. Razors
    • Bump Fighter brand razors. You may use disposables or the cartridge system. The appeal of the Bump Fighter is that it is the only widely available shaving system with both a single blade and a swivel head. The Bump Guard and so forth isn’t particularly relevant, even to the intended consumers.
    • The makers of Bump Fighter now offer a similar but narrower disposable called Bkini. This may be worth investigating.
    • Alternately, a house-brand single-blade disposable, usually marked with the words “sensitive skin”, is acceptable but not as foolproof due to the fixed head. The vast majority of these are made by the same company which makes Bump Fighter.
    • Another plausible choice is the house-branded double-blade system at many larger retail outlets. The double-blade razor must be diligently rinsed. If you have a double-blade cartridge system you wish to use, get new cartridges if you can.
    • You may use a triple or quad-blade system, however the likelihood of nicks, razor burn and other unpleasantness becomes very high. Again, get new cartridges.
  2. A shaving brush of reasonable quality.
    • Do not get the commonly available and low-priced Van Der Hagen or Burma Shave brushes.
    • The Body Shop synthetic is quite good and my daily-driver facial shaving brush. In a natural-hair brush, you want a badger pure (good) or best (better) brush. Few boar brushes are acceptable, but –
    • Your local drug store or beauty store may offer something of interest. Omega and Tweezerman are not common, but available in retail stores including some Sally Beauty Supply locations.
    • Synthetic is better than boar. Badger is better than synthetic. These are not nicknames. Natural brushes are made with actual pig and badger hair.
  3. A brush-activated cream of good quality.
    • Avoid literally any product which comes in a can, period.
    • The Body Shop and Kiss My Face are readily available at regular stores and quite good. Look in the hippy-dippy section of larger groceries for Kiss My Face Moisture Shave. Derby cream, Proraso, Cremo Cream, and a long list of others are available over the internet.
    • Get something either unscented or which complements your scent profile.
    • The wetshaving boards are almost exclusively populated by men, but remain the best source of information on such products.
  4. If you must use a shaving-oil base, use extra-virgin olive oil or baby oil.
  5. Witch Hazel-based toner. Other after-shave products are appropriate and available, like Florida Water or Lilac Vegetal, but Witch Hazel is aesthetically neutral and actually therapeutic if you are prone to inflammation.
  6. A bowl or mug, latte cups work well, for the purposes of loading your brush with lather.
  7. A washcloth or better still a hand towel.
  8. stiptic, better yet, a stiptic pencil.
  9. and a smattering of technique. The videos of the esteemed Mantic59 may prove informative.

As performed in television commercials, the single-pass method of leg shaving is not only wrong, but actually promotes minor skin irritation and cuts. Every woman I’ve known well enough to observe in the bath makes one against-the-grain pass with high-alkaline bathing soap, an aerosol can of goo applied with the hands or hair conditioner simply slathered about, simply wiped away with an invariably aged, multiple-bladed disposable razor. Most curse the process.

Don’t do that. Do this.

  1. If required, trim loose hair down to a few millimeters of height. Scissors or hair trimmers may be employed.
  2. Get lots of hot water. Boil it. Pour it from the tap. Keep a hot plate on the sink. Yes, some people do this.
  3. Put your shaving mug or bowl in the hot water, along with your brush and your hand towel or washcloth to soak while you bathe.
  4. Following the shower or bath, wipe your hand along the areas of your body you wish to depilitate. When wiping in one direction, usually up or toward your head but not always, the hair offers more resistance. This direction is “against the grain”. On the forearms and legs, especially during and following the winter months, this distinction can be subtle. For shaving purposes, this distinction is very important.
  5. Remain wet, at least in all those areas you wish to shave. Thoroughly wet hair and moist skin are helpful.
  6. Using a peanut-sized dollop of shaving cream placed in the center of your soaking wet shaving brush, hold your shaving mug at ninety-degrees to gravity and lightly agitate, using circular motions around the shaving mug. When the mug stops dripping, you may hold it flat or place it on a flat surface to continue the mix process.
  7. The lather should have no bubbles and appear not unlike a high quality meringue. This process should take no more than ninety seconds.
  8. In particularly dense areas, soaking with your towel or washcloth is required. This should be as hot as you can stand; maybe hotter. The object is to work in as much water as possible.
  9. Apply lather onto wet skin. Let it fluff slighty. Work it in with some circular motions. The real action is in the middle of the brush. Squeeze the brush slightly from the base; the lather which results is the good stuff.
  10. Select one flat area at a time. The motion of the razor demands this. Hold the razor lightly, by the very end of the instrument, and let it glide with the grain of the hair. That is, generally speaking, down or away from your head. If you feel any drag whatsoever from the razor, your lather is no good. Remix with more cream and less water.
  11. Finish all the areas you wish to shave in the one direction, this may require making more lather.
  12. Rinse thoroughly, in the hottest water you can stand.
  13. Again make lather and apply to moist skin. Select your planes and so on. This time you will move the razor against the grain, and be amazed at how much hair you have left behind. This motion may resemble the action to which you are accustomed.
  14. If both passes are done well, you now look like a lumpy eleven-year old.
  15. If you have “weepers” or nicks, apply stiptic.
  16. Rinse the applied areas or the whole body with the coldest water you can stand, if possible in a shower.
  17. Wet your hands with Witch Hazel or whichever toner you choose. Apply to all shaved areas.

This could take some time, and might be best utilized on special occasions. I am available for the purposes of fully demonstrating these methods to and upon you. Yes, this is something of a perversion for me. So be it. You have my number.

About these ads
3 Comments
  1. thelovinglistener permalink
    Thursday, 2 April, 2009 10:21

    heh, fascinating. Anyway, just wanted to thank you for the comment on my blog. I actually picked up the Body Shop brush a couple days before you posted and I love it.

    Like

  2. Friday, 10 April, 2009 21:42

    Thanks for the shout-out, Stan!

    Like

    • Tuesday, 14 April, 2009 4:17

      For the man who at long, long last lead me on the road to quality, pleasurable shaving, it is the least I can do.
      Besides, this post was intended to be informative, and you are the source for good shaving no matter where.

      Like

Comments are closed.

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 178 other followers

%d bloggers like this: