angrystan

For a start, I’m thinking of doing more formal ranting despite the dismal abilities of the gear I presently possess. Ideally a venue that would tolerate a bit of artistic experimentation and has no sensitivity to profanity. As you are aware, sometimes I just can’t help myself.I have no idea which venue would be appropriate for bitter, white guy in his 40s mouthing off, but there is no shortage of options. The broadcast would be in English.

You may be aware I don’t have anything especially worth saying. I suspect that is a core qualification

For the purposes of this blather, we assume one is broadcasting, live, from the United States and since these are my notes, from the Central Time Zone specifically. Consulting an old, old draft. and continuing with present-day observations I believe I have worked out when people are prone to watch such things. I assume they do so casually.

Starting in the English audience extreme east, Central Europe signs on about 8 or 9 AM local time and pretty much stays on until 13 hours or so. Then they sign on again for what would be considered television’s prime time in the US, around 20 in the evening until midnight or so.

That translates to 2 AM to 5 AM Central in the US. Later around 2 PM to 6 PM.

The UK and Ireland wake earlier, around 7 and sign off by 10. Then they become active in the late afternoon, and have other things to do in the evenings.

That translates to 2 AM to about 5 AM, again, but the late afternoon shift would be 9 AM to 3 PM-ish.

Within North America, I notice no regionally specific trends excepting that the further west you go the earlier people sign off … I am speaking en masse.

Americans tend to wake up around 6 AM their local time, with a flurry of activity when the first people in the  west wake and the east is still futzing around two hours later. The mountian states tend to stay on most of the day with the West Coast taking lunch very seriously.

Sign on at 5 or 6, expect a flurry of activity around 7 and lasting until 8:30 or so when the East actually starts working and falling off continuously until 10 AM or so. You will find blips of activity as lunch occurs, 11:30 to 1 local time, (10:30 to 3 Central)  but that is small enough not to worry about.
In short, when people get dissatisfied with TV or their eyes tire from legitimate uses of the Internet, they start looking for something trivial for entertainment. Peak viewing hours in the US fall between 8 PM and Midnight locally with most folks in the Mountain and Pacific zones going to bed earlier.
or 7 PM to 1 AM unless you wish to appeal to people getting back from bars.

On the knowledge that “last call” is the same moment in both Cincinnati and San Francisco and most places in between do not deviate much, between 3 and 5 AM Central you will get a wave of drunks or people otherwise just getting in. This audience is especially large Saturday and Sunday mornings as you might imagine.

My windows are as follows (all US Central Time or UTC -6):

• if you wanted to be hardcore about it, you could broadcast from 4 AM to 9 AM, with the audience trailing off after that. If you start later you lose everyone on the other side of the Atlantic. If you stop earlier you lose late risers (read: everyone) on the West Coast. Choose accordingly.
• If you were doing something which might qualify as light entertainment that people might watch while working, you could sign on around 12:30 and stay on until 3 or 4 or so and pick up some folks across the pond.
• The evenings are more difficult as that depends upon to whom you wish to appeal. Early audiences are younger. Late audiences think they are more sophisticated and trend older. The drunks start up around 1 or shortly thereafter. The objective would be to start when folks are looking for something to watch around 8 or 9 PM and sign off before the drinks start.
• On this schedule you may attract a few overnight types over the Atlantic, but don’t count on it. Everything dries up by 3 AM Central. That’s just the way it is.

I am typing all of this out as it occurs to me. However, do not anticipate an angrystan channel any time soon.

I was going to call this Foolproof Marinara, but let’s just cut to the chase. It’s easy. Let’s start with just the marinara itself.

½ a pretty good sized white or yellow onion making ½ to ¾ cup

Note: Onion powder does not provide required sweetness.

4 to 5 garlic cloves or 1 Tbsp garlic powder or 1½ Tbsp prepared minced garlic

2 28oz cans of crushed tomatoes

up to ¼ C “Italian seasoning” to taste

Mince the onion, or chop it very fine, or pulp it in something electric.

Place your onion in a large sauce pan. Remember you will start with a half-gallon of fluid. So choose a big pan.

Let it just soften over a 40% flame, six minutes or so, add the garlic then dump in the tomatoes.

Add the Italian seasoning. You can leave it on top for now. Do not cover.

When this concoction starts to bubble turn down the flame to about 20%.

Let it sit for not less than 20 minutes. You really can’t overcook this so you could leave it for an hour or more. Stirring occasionally.. It only gets better with time over the fire.

If you would like to make this as part of a meal which may be readily adapted for vegetarian friends:

Add

1 lb. of whole-wheat spaghetti

Yeah, you can use mundane processed-flour pasta if you must. We’re fat Americans, so every ml of sugar you can save is worthwhile. Whole wheat pasta is more difficult to overcook.

the other half-onion and another onion

2 green bell peppers

8 oz.fresh sliced white mushrooms or 13.5 oz canned mushrooms

not less than ¼ C olive oil or butter, and another 2 Tbsp of oil or butter.

Up to 2 cups of Parmesan Cheese, anticipating you will use a shaker of this stuff instead of getting it ground at the gourmet grocery.

If you are living in the parts of the world where one must blend your pasta with sauce, replace one of the cans of crushed tomatoes with one 13.5 oz can of tomato sauce and another can of diced tomatoes.

Pour too much water in your largest pot. Place on a high flame, covered until rolling boil.

Julienne both your onions and peppers. Reserve about one-quarter of the onions.

Let the water boil

Let your second-largest pan brew the reserved onions. Prepare the marinara according to the above instructions.

Add to a frying pan over medium fire, the 2 Tbsp of oil or butter and once hot, the remaining onions and peppers.

When the onions and peppers sweat, add the mushrooms.

When the big pot of water is at a rolling boil, add your quarter cup of oil or butter.

When the rolling boil resumes dump in the spaghetti. Cook for eight minutes. If you must use white-flour spaghetti cook for a maximum of six minutes.

When the onions start to brown pull the onions, peppers and mushrooms from the fire and let sit. They aren’t burned; they’re “caramelized”.

Drain your pasta. Then split evenly among four plates.

Sprinkle copious amounts of Parmesan cheese on the bare pasta.

Ladle the marinara and top with onions, peppers and mushrooms.

If you must blend the pasta and sauce before serving, drain pasta and return quickly to the still-warm pot. Quickly add the marinara and onions and peppers, but fold until well distributed. At this point you may add cheese. Shake only enough to be seen then fold. Shake a little more then fold.

I aspire to write this up in a way the most alienated victim of white privilege could follow. But its early on Sunday morning and the wine is running low.

Today I broke down and made another batch of this legendary dish. The first batch did not mix as well as it should have, and my trusted partner made additional recommendations.

The recipe, now revised, is as follows.

4 c soy milk Not that crap with the chalk and sugar in it, unadulterated soy milk.

1 Tbsp sea salt

5 cloves or 1½ Tbsp minced garlic

1 Tbsp dry mustard

2 t paprika

2 c nutritional yeast

1½ c soy oil The cheap “vegetable oil” at every store is almost certainly 100% soy. Check the label to be sure.

1 lb whole-wheat macaroni

Whole-wheat spirals were on sale this week. I don’t know why only the spirals which are more difficult to distribute through the sauce. That’s what was actually used.

As to my method of preparation, I added only 2 cups of soy milk to the food processor. I now know the food processor is not water tight. All of the dry ingredients were measured into a bowl in advance and spooned into the soy milk through a funnel while spinning. Then the garlic. Then, quite slowly, the soy oil. The food processor actually started to torque down and walk across the counter so I went ahead and added a third cup of soy milk.

The sauce was spinning for about eight minutes.

The fourth and final cup of soy milk was added directly to an oiled casserole pan. Then pasta. Then sauce. Mix by hand. If you find yourself using spirals instead of macaroni it will take some extra effort to coat with sauce appropriately.

Bake at 350 for 45 minutes.

This is the best Macaroni and Cheese I have ever made. Period. Try it. It may as well have actual cheese.

I wonder about using other kinds of “milk” with this. Almond, hemp, rice?

Let’s start with Christmas. Boy, did I blow the diet. I did make something amazing, however. It was the Macaroni and Cheese [sic] from Atlanta’s Soul Vegetarian restaurant. If you Google around you will find the recipe from the ca. 1975 Soul Vegetarian cookbook, but that isn’t what you want. Grab a pencil and click.

That is, and in food-service or pot-luck quantities:

4 c soy milk Not that crap with the chalk and sugar in it, unadulterated soy milk.

1 oz. or 2 Tbsp sea salt I don’t really know if it makes any difference, but we keep sea salt on hand instead of iodized salt.

10 cloves or 3 Tbsp minced garlic Honestly, it seemed a bit much, and you are dealing with a garlic lover.

3 Tbsp prepared mustard or 1 Tbsp dry mustard

2 t paprika

2 c nutritional yeast This is my first venture with nutritional yeast. Think of it as vegan butter.

1½ c soy oil The cheap “vegetable oil” at every store is almost certainly 100% soy. Check the label to be sure.

1 lb whole-wheat macaroni I did not know whole-wheat pasta is absolutely vegan.

and prepare as the video above. This sauce needs major agitation to come out right, so you will have to use something electric. Let me just say if you are going to use a food processor instead of a blender be utterly certain your food processor is water tight. I assure you certain models of low-end machines are not.

When I make this again, I will use about half the garlic and perhaps add a half-cup of chopped onion.

Just slop this together, drop it in a casserole dish and bake at 350° for 45 minutes.

It’s not quite macaroni and cheese, but it’s pretty amazing. It hits that MacNCheese button.

For Christmas dinner I prepared a 9×12 pan of this, and we nibbled on it all weekend.

For a later dinner, Mel prepared some Fantastic™ Vegetarian Chili. It’s a mix available in bulk foods. Dump some canned tomatoes and canned beans and you’re eating hearty. In fact, if you are disinclined toward veggieness, I still recommend the FVC. It’s easy to prepare, hearty and good. But wait until you pour some over last night’s Vegan Mac’N'Cbeese. It taste like seven different kinds of wrong, but it’s really nutritious and all that stuff we DFHs are on about.

Try the Soul Vegetarian M&C and tell me how you get on. I may have to make a batch tomorrow.